Commentators: Jim Ross & Missy Hyatt
This week’s featured match is a tag team contest between The Fabulous Freebirds and the weird mash-up of goofy gimmicks team Trucker Norman and The Juicer. This is Juicer’s one and only appearance in 1991 as he was fired due to sexual assault allegations stemming from his time in Portland. Starting a review on a downer, that’s my jam.
- Michael Wallstreet vs. Dave Johnson
- The Danger Zone w/ Paul E. Dangerously
- Tommy Rich vs. Buddy Landell
- Allen Iron Eagle & Tim Horner vs. George South & Doug Vines
- Lex Luger vs. Mike Hart
- Trucker Norman & The Juicer vs. The Fabulous Freebirds
Jim Ross and Missy Hyatt open the show with a recap of Z-Man‘s TV Title win from last week’s episode of World Championship Wrestling. Perhaps you’ve heard about it by now.
Michael Wallstreet [w/ Alexandra York] vs. Dave Johnson
Wallstreet is predicted to win this one is less than 1:48, so at least this’ll be a short one. Wallstreet wins with five seconds to spare courtesy of the Stock Market Crash. Not much to say here other than Hyatt got the name of the move wrong and had to corrected by Ross. That’s embarrassing but since they didn’t edit it out I guess it’s supposed to go with her ‘ditzy’ character. (1:43)
- Final Rating: SQUASH
Segment Time: The Danger Zone
Paul E. Dangerously focuses on the upcoming Football Match between Lex Luger and The Big Cat this Friday at the Meadowlands Arena. We get a replay of Ross’ interview with Luger’s cornerman/NFL great/future WrestleMania main eventer Lawrence Taylor that aired last night on World Championship Wrestling. LT vows to “knock the butts off” of Cat and Dangerously, which sounds like a lawsuit waiting to happen. Dangerously vows to throw a victory party at LT’s restaurant for The Big Cat while putting over how good the food is. Should be noted that the restaurant failed miserably.
“Wildfire” Tommy Rich vs. “Nature Boy” Buddy Landell
Hot damn this match is going to be southern as hell. Tommy Rich returned to WCW the year before to much fanfare but didn’t exactly light the company on fire so now he’s just sort of bumming around. Hyatt does a terrible impression of LT while Ross desperately tries not to walk out and quit pro wrestling forever. Landell has all the confidence in the world, hitting the first few moves of the match and posing for the crowd, but soon enough Rich fights back and Landell begs off like the good heel he is. Buddy Landell rules, effortless entertaining. Hyatt’s commentary is the worst, real ear-splitting nonsense. Landell sends Rich to the floor to escape an armbar but misses a right and hits the steel post. Rich suplexes Landell back in and connects with a flying fist drop but can’t put the Nature Boy away. Rich hits a crossbody but Landell rolls through and picks up the win with a handful of tights. That came out of nowhere. Real basic stuff here but I loves me some Buddy Landell so I enjoyed it. (4:52)
- Final Rating: *1/2
Allen Iron Eagle & Tim Horner vs. George South & Doug Vines
Allen Iron Eagle is none other than low-carder ‘Desperado’ Joe Gomez, who will pop up in Legacy of WCW five years from now (in chronological time, not actual time…though given my terrible attention it could actually take me five years to get to 1996). Horner impressed in a short match against South last night on World Championship Wrestling and is the more seasoned of the two so I expect him to handle the bulk of the action in this one. Much like last night Horner totally outwrestles South but this time he falls victim to the Greco-Roman eyepoke. Vines tags in but can’t continue the assault and Allen Iron Eagle works him over. AIE is dressed exactly like the Ultimate Warrior, leg tassles and everything, but he’s way skinnier so he isn’t as intimidating. AIE takes some punishment then makes the hot tag to Horner who cleans house with a double noggin-knocker. Horner wins via bridging O’Connor Roll as AIE dropkicks South to take him out of the equation. They got the win but I doubt they’re going to last long as a tag team. They do actually have a match against WCW Tag Team Champions Doom next week though so apparently WCW was thinking ahead and gave them a win to give them momentum en route to next weekend. (3:05)
- Final Rating: *
‘The Total Package’ Lex Luger vs. Mike Hart
Luger is U.S. Champ but doesn’t have the belt with him so it’s very possible this taping happened before he won the championship back from Stan Hansen. Mike is not a Brothers Hart but he’s got the balls to get in Luger’s face and give him a little shrug. That’s about the extent of his offense though as this is Lex Goddamn Luger. Hyatt dismisses Luger’s football credentials acting like a total heel despite supposedly being a face in her feud with Paul E. Dangerously. Weird disconnect there. Luger has a little fun with the squash, hitting a second-rope superplex before finishing Hart off with the Torture Rack (without wrapping his arm around the neck, defeating the point). This was a thing. Missy Hyatt going full-heel on Luger, and full-heel on this show altogether, is strange. (3:12)
- Final Rating: SQUASH
Trucker Norman & The Juicer vs. The Fabulous Freebirds
Norman and Juicer come out with the ‘Juice Patrol’, a bunch of kids in Juicer makeup. Juicer is better known as the late Art Barr, who found success not only in Portland but in Mexico as part of the Los Gringos Locos stable with the also late Eddie Guerrero. Ross mentions Little Richard Marley has been fired by The Freebirds for being bad at his roadie job. Michael Hayes wants Jimmy Garvin to lift Norman up so Garvin does a couple pushups and gives it a shot. He can’t do it and Norman slams both Freebirds instead. Juicer and Hayes do a criss cross, with Juicer stopping and Hayes getting carried away. Classic southern wrestling spot and I love it every damn time. Juicer and Norman clear the ring and The Freebirds regroup to talk strategy. This match is almost at the four minute mark and nothing has happened. Juicer and Norman put The Freebirds in separate trees of woe and spray them with silly string. Hayes is so mad about this he doesn’t care if Garvin’s hair looks great or not. Hayes finally turns the tide for his team by decking Juicer with a left hook and The Freebirds double team him. Hayes sends Norman to the floor, rams his head into the ring post, and DDTs him on the floor. Juicer fights off the Freebirds for awhile but eventually succumbs to the Double DDT and Freebirds win. The goofy stuff with the silly string and criss cross spots was fun, wrestling stuff was forgettable. (7:52)
- Final Rating: *1/2
Ross and Hyatt segue into Hyatt’s slap to Dangerously on last night’s episode of World Championship Wrestling. That moment ended that show and that moment ends this show. Hyatt vows to embarrass Dangerously in their arm wrestling match at Clash of the Champions. That’s that.
Final Thoughts: Wholly forgettable and dull. At least it was only roughly 40 minutes long.