[TV Review] Main Event – 2.17.91

Commentators: Jim Ross & Missy Hyatt

The Z-Man and Terry Taylor wrestle each other for the third week in a row, Bobby Eaton takes too long to beat a jobber with a goofy mustache, and Jim Ross can’t hide his disgust with co-host Missy Hyatt very well. There’s a PPV next weekend to sort-of promote to, and sort-of promote it they do!

The Lineup

  • El Gigante vs. Bill Ford
  • Brad Armstrong vs. Rip Rogers
  • Bobby Eaton vs. Rob Morgan
  • Doom vs. Scott Allen & Carl Robertson
  • In-Ring Segment: The Danger Zone
  • Tom Zenk vs. Terry Taylor

*****

Ross and Hyatt welcome the home audience and segue right into a video recapping the feud between World Champion Ric Flair and challenger El Gigante. Gigante wants an airbrushed muscle suit that makes him look like a Sasquatch. Just kidding he wants the belt. He’s only going to get one of these in his lifetime though, guess which one.

El Gigante vs. ‘Scrap Iron’ Bill Ford

Gigante dispatches Ford in short order with the Claw. Ford passes out in the hold instead of getting pinned by it though so at least it was a change of pace? I don’t know, you try writing about El Gigante matches. (0:58)

  • Final Rating: SQUASH

Brad Armstrong vs. Rip Rogers

Armstrong is in his ‘Candyman’ garb for this one. Armstrong outwrestles Rogers to start, Rogers complains about hair pulling which, shockingly, might be a lie. Rogers tosses Armstrong to the floor so he can do his flying axhandle spot but Armstrong catches him on the way down with a shot to the gut. Rogers tries a piledriver, Armstrong reverses it with a backdrop and follows up with a clothesline. This crowd is almost dead silent, that’s unsettling. Rogers tries to beg off, Armstrong shows no mercy and wins with the Side Russian Legsweep. Dead crowd, both men just sort of doing their TV thing, not a lot going on here. I bet these two could have a good match in better circumstances though. (3:39)

  • Final Rating: SQUASH

‘Beautiful’ Bobby Eaton vs. Rob Morgan

I think I missed the opening bell so the match time probably won’t be accurate. You care. Eaton shakes Morgan’s hand to start then goes full heel, raking Morgan’s eyes and tying him up in the ropes. He’s both sweet and sour, like a Sour Patch Kid. Morgan catches Eaton off-guard with a couple of scoop slams but his offense is stopped with a back elbow to the mush. Eaton pads out the match time with a series of restholds en route to victory with the Alabama Jam. That didn’t need to be as long as it was, come on guys. (4:04)

  • Final Rating: DULL SQUASH

Ross and Hyatt segue into footage of The Fabulous Freebirds being revealed as Diamond Dallas Page’s mystery team, putting one over Teddy Long and Doom. Doom will be defending the World Tag Team Titles against the Freebirds at WrestleWar and I hate the match already.

Doom (Ron Simmons & Butch Reed) [w/ Teddy Long] vs. Scott Allen & Carl Robertson

Teddy Long is taking a break from his buying of various mansions and cars to be at the side of the Tag Team Champions. Reed has the match won with a Tombstone about 90 seconds in but Long tells him to continue the assault instead. Simmons tags in and connects with a gorilla press headbutt. Allen wants in but Simmons hits his partner with a powerslam instead. Long stops Simmons from making the pinfall, but Simmons is more annoyed about that than Reed was. Allen finally gets the hot tag and…gets demolished obviously, come on. Hyatt whines about something or another and Ross loses his shit on commentary. I love it. That has to be a shoot situation. Doom wins with their finisher, Simmons doing push ups on Allen’s body as the count is administered. Awesome. Big Poppa Pump ripped him off, probably. (4:15)

  • Final Rating: SQUASH

In-Ring Segment: The Danger Zone

Paul E. Dangerously’s guests are The Fabulous Freebirds and their new manager Diamond Dallas Page. Page says Doom will be going down at WrestleWar. Dangerously goes to interview Michael Hayes and Jimmy Garvin but Page snatches the mic as he does all their talking now. Teddy Long interrupts and says the Freebirds will find out that ‘homie don’t play that’.

Ross and Hyatt recap the feud between Tom Zenk and Terry Taylor. Their first match ended in a draw, the second match ended in a DQ when Taylor took the low road. This is their third match, which should be the rubber match but they’re also wrestling in a No-DQ match at WrestleWar so nope.

A pre-recorded promo from Taylor plays. Taylor is channeling all of his frustrations about his career on Zenk. Zenk responds with a pre-recorded promo of his own, saying that he wants revenge and that he doesn’t trust Taylor.

‘The Z-Man’ Tom Zenk vs. Terry Taylor

Taylor appeared on WCW the night before in a ponytail and his hair much darker but whatever continuity is for jerks. I can’t wait until these shows start getting coherent. It’s going to be a long ass time though probably. Zenk attacks Taylor right away, not letting him get out of his entrance robe until the ref intervenes. Hyatt is thirsty for the Z-Man, Ross says Zenk has no interest in her and she pitches a fit. Ross loves it. Zenk with the countalong rights in the corner and a sunset flip for a two-count. Hyatt brags about Jose Conseco wanting to date him, but she calls him ‘Jose Conserco’ and Ross flames her for it. Oh god this commentary is way more interesting than this match. Atomic drop sends Taylor into the corner and Zenk follows up with a right hand for a two-count. Taylor catches Zenk with a backbreaker and goes for a toehold but Zenk launches him shoulder-first into the ring post and starts targeting that arm. Taylor tries to escape to the apron but gets pulled back in and Zenk covers for the 1…2…kickout. Taylor connects with a piledriver and chokes Zenk on the bottom rope. Hangman’s neckbreaker and Taylor arrogant covers for the 1…2…Zenk kicks out and looks annoyed that he was disrespected like that. Zenk with a flurry of angry offense, but he misses a corner splash and Taylor hits a bridging belly-to-back suplex for the 1…2…kickout. Zenk catches Taylor with a crossbody off an Irish whip for the 1…2…kickout. Zenk counters a piledriver with a backdrop and covers for the 1…2…nope. Taylor tries to leave, Zenk pulls him by the trunks and hits a belly-to-back suplex for the 1…2…nope. Taylor will not stay down. These guys look exhausted; marathon TV tapings will do that to you. Zenk works Taylor over in the corner and shoves the ref repeatedly, causing a DQ and a win for Taylor. These two will settle their score next Sunday night and then hopefully never wrestle again. This was not good. (8:18)

  • Final Rating: *1/4

Ross and Hyatt hypes WrestleWar for next weekend and says Main Event will act as a preview show for that event. Hyatt will be interviewing someone in the men’s locker room, a first in the pro wrestling industry, and she’s excited for all the wrong reasons. That’s the hard sell.

*****

Final Thoughts: Felt like we got the scraps of one of WCW’s TV taping sessions on this episode but Ross losing his shit on Hyatt made things worthwhile somewhat. May I never have to watch another goddamn Zenk/Taylor match after WrestleWar.

Leave a Comment