COMMENTATORS: Tony Schiavone & “The Living Legend” Larry Zbyszko
This week’s Pro features a host of squashes, Sting brawling with Nikita Koloff, and the reveal of The Desperados’ identities and mission. It is the worst, but hey whatever.
- WCW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION: “The Nature Boy” Ric Flair
- WCW UNITED STATES HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION: “The Total Package” Lex Luger
- WCW WORLD TELEVISION CHAMPION: “Beautiful” Bobby Eaton
- WCW WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: The Steiner Brothers (Rick & Scott Steiner)
- WCW UNITED STATES TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: The Fabulous Freebirds (Michael “P.S.” Hayes & Jimmy “Jam” Garvin)
- WCW WORLD SIX-MAN TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: Ricky Morton, “Wildfire” Tommy Rich, & The Junkyard Dog
- The Steiner Brothers vs. Mike Thor & Hacksaw Higgins
- Bobby Eaton vs. Chuck Coats
- GREAT AMERICAN BASH CONTROL CENTER w/ Paul E. Dangerously
- PN News vs. Mark Kyle
- BRICKHOUSE BONUS w/ Jack Brickhouse
- LARRY Z’S LEGENDS w/ Larry Zbyszko, Diamond Dallas Page, & Big Daddy Dink
- Dustin Rhodes vs. Doug Gilbert
- VIDEO: The Desperados search for Stan Hansen
- One Man Gang vs. Ian Weston
- Sting vs. Tim Frye
- Barry Windham vs. Rob Morgan
-GREEN SCREEN PROMO: Brian Pillman says he can no longer wrestle in WCW due to what happened at Knocksville USA and wants to thank his fans for their support. He calls the situation unfair but so is life, and tells “Mr. Windham” that goodbye doesn’t mean forever, saying he’s going to find a way to return.
-Schiavone welcomes the home audience from Libertyville Lanes, a bowling alley right outside of Chicago. Zbyszko walks in and hands Schiavone a “ladies” ball since he can probably handle it. Zbyszko brags about having the highest 300 score in the alley’s history (heh?). Schiavone asks him to show how good he really is, Zbyszko refuses.
The Steiner Brothers (Rick & Scott Steiner) defeated Mike Thor & Hacksaw Higgins when Scott Steiner pinned Thor following a Frankensteiner (2:37)
- Schiavone hypes up the team of Dan Spivey & The Angel of Death as possible contenders to The Steiners’ Tag Team Championship. That’s cute Pro, you think you’re in the same continuity.
-A look at next week’s UIC Pavilion card (June 22nd). Standout matches include Flair vs. Gigante for the World Title, Steiners vs. Spivey & Angel of Death, Simmons vs. Gang, and Luger vs. Koloff in a Russian Chain Match. I take back my slander about Spivey & AOD, I guess they do matter.
“Beautiful” Bobby Eaton defeated Chuck Coats via pinfall with the Alabama Jam (3:16)
- An absolute slaughter, Eaton attacking Coats before the latter even gets an introduction. Eaton appears to be directing this assault towards Ric Flair, who beat him at Knocksville USA. No mention of that though, Schiavone and Zbyszko don’t even acknowledge it.
- Schiavone announces that a man called “The Yellow Dog” will be teaming with Sting next week at the UIC Pavilion, replacing Brian Pillman now that he can’t wrestle in WCW anymore. Interesting…
GREAT AMERICAN BASH CONTROL CENTER
Paul E. Dangerously announces the big news: Lex Luger will challenge Ric Flair for the World Heavyweight Championship in a Steel Cage Match. Both have words to say about it via green screen promo, Flair doing his “be the man, beat the man” thing while Luger talks about his powerful vision of becoming World Champion which he will make a reality. Oh BOY these are gonna be awkward for the next couple weeks, huh? More matches to be announced next week.
-Schiavone and Zbyszko are with the GM of Libertyville (Phil something). Zbyszko whisks the man away to try and buy the alley, ignoring Schiavone’s attempt to get him to bowl.
“The Rapmaster” PN News defeated Mark Kyle via pinfall with the Broken Record (1:23)
-BRICKHOUSE BONUS: Jack Brickhouse talks up Lex Luger and his chase for the World Heavyweight Championship.
-LARRY Z’S LEGENDS: Zbyszko is standing by with Diamond Dallas Page, Big Daddy Dink, and a Diamond Doll. Page gloats about the Freebirds winning the U.S. Tag Team Titles last month at SuperBrawl, giving Dink all the credit. Dink credits Page right back, and he vows the Freebirds will be chamPEENS for a long time. Dink refuses to spill any info on Badstreet/Fantasia, except that they’re paying him.
-Join Ric Flair & friends on the BRUISE CRUISE.
“The Natural” Dustin Rhodes defeated Doug Gilbert via pinfall with the Bulldog (2:17)
-VIDEO: The Desperados arrive to Ghost Town, walk menacingly towards a steely-eyed Sheriff. No murders yet.
-VIDEO: The saga continues as The Desperados are revealed as “Dirty” Dutch Mantell, Black Bart, and…a guy with an eyepatch. Instead of shooting the Marshall they walk by, Mantell saying hello. They argue about saying hello, Bart says they came to this town to find Stan Hansen. Oh there’s no f*cking way that Stan Hansen is going to get caught up in this. Eyepatch Guy is named Dead-Eye Dick apparently, and he got a letter saying Hansen was going to be here, Bart wants to know if he meant today or another day. They get excited about meeting him, cut to the saloon where Dead-Eye Dick enjoys a trio of ladies dancing while sitting at a table with randos. Back to Mantell and Bart, Bart asks how Dick got the “GAD DUM” letter from Stan Hansen, Bart confused because Dead-Eye Dick can’t hear or see. They slap each other with their cowboy hats. Back to Dick, who cheats at cards but can’t hear the man protesting. Back to Mantell and Bart who want to ask Dick about the letter, but they’ve lost him. Back to the saloon where Dick gets kicked out for cheating at cards, running back into Mantell and Bart. The search for Stan Hansen continues.
- The payoff to those first two videos is a bumbling trio of cowboys dicking around a fake Wild West town making bad jokes and looking for a guy I can PROMISE you will not have anything to do with this storyline. Wow. Wowwowwow. This is bad. This is SO BAD.
One Man Gang [w/ Kevin Sullivan] defeated Ian Weston via pinfall with the 747 (1:34)
- Schiavone and Zbyszko have no idea what to make of The Desperados. Honestly I feel that.
- POST-MATCH: OMG hits another 747, Sullivan pries him away with a studded collar. Gang is the “Brut of the Week”, the highest of honors.
Sting defeated Tim Frye via submission with the Scorpion Death Lock (1:47)
- Frye tries to get the jump on Sting, Sting absorbs the weak shots and absolutely wrecks him while telling Frye to mind his manners. Somebody’s been hanging out with Big Josh.
- POST-MATCH: Sting gets on the house mic and calls Nikita Koloff out to face him in the ring. Koloff walks out and taunts Sting, El Gigante and PN News come from behind and throw him into the ring. Sting attacks, Koloff bails, Gigante throws him back in. Dustin Rhodes and Tommy Rich also show up, making it a sorta Lumberjack match! Out come Barry Windham, Ric Flair, and One Man Gang to even thinks up for the bad guys. BIG OL’ BRAWL WITH EVERYONE breaks out. Flair chops Gigante, Gigante no sells it and Flair bails, as does Koloff. Rhodes and Rich hold Sting back from going after him.
Barry Windham defeated Rob Morgan via pinfall with the Superplex (1:13)
- Windham attacks Morgan during intros, no time to waste in wrecking this dork.
- Brian Pillman is shown watching from ringside, Windham talks trash then goes back on the attack, jack.
- POST-MATCH: Windham gets in Pillman’s face, Pillman hops the railing but gets held back by security since he’s not allowed to wrestle in WCW anymore. El Gigante also makes his way out to be at Pillman’s side.
-Schiavone and Zbyszko are back at Libertyville Lanes, Zbyszko stalls by giving Schiavone “advice” and going over the rules. We run out of time, Schiavone signs off, Zbyszko skirts by.
-Replay of Windham goading Pillman.
FINAL THOUGHTS: The Desperados is a giant wet fart of a storyline and one of the worst payoffs for something I have ever seen as a fan. Just all around bad. Besides that though this was a solid Pro; I enjoyed Sting’s squash match and the post-match brawl, rest of the squashes were entertaining enough to pass the time. But goddamn pal, The Desperados is DOA. I don’t know what I was expecting.